


Epic Rap Battles of Fate

by CleverPervertedPriest



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Rap Battles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2020-09-25 18:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 63
Words: 19,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20376178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CleverPervertedPriest/pseuds/CleverPervertedPriest
Summary: Random rap battles with various characters.





	1. Kiara Sessyoin Versus Tamamo-no-Mae

Tamamo-no-Mae:  
Oh, Husband. Please come in. Welcome back.  
Wait, you're not him. Get lost you hack.  
I can't let you dirty my home with your sluty natures  
Get out, before my curses mar your main features

You can't take my husband away with your wiles  
He is already smitten to bits with my styles  
I cook and clean and satisfy him too  
I can much more than what you can do

Kiara Sessyoin:  
A slut, oh my, is that all you can say?  
But still, apologize, or a fox I will slay  
Cooking, cleaning? Oh please, you're a bore  
You can't expect more from an emperor's whore

I'm all powerful. A cult is shackled to me  
Even Zepar failed when he sought to be free  
If your Master's with me? Satisfaction guaranteed  
The only time you get him is when you have three C's

Tamamo-no-Mae:  
You bitch! I am a fragment of a goddess!  
By the time I'm done with you, you're dead, broken, worthless  
Nothing can stand between me and my beloved  
Our love is pure, unlike the climax you attempted

Kiara Sessyoin:  
A goddess, how droll. You must be trying to bore me  
Will you please get rougher? I'm feeling rather horny.  
I already saw your heart. Peaceful life with your husband  
O young couple, come with me, into my stagnation


	2. Merlin Versus Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh:  
Hah! Gifting me defeat? You're beneath me!  
Nothing you can ever say could faze me, see?  
I am the King of Heroes, I am number one  
You have no chance against me, I've already won.

On your knees! I am but a step above you  
I think I should just call you number 2  
But you don't even deserve that, you pervy old man  
You're even weaker than Enkidu, my number one fan

Merlin:  
Why thanks for the praises  
They sing through the ages  
Here comes the grand magus  
Of Arthurian Greatness

Faze you, please, I'll do more than make you gag  
You are weak, you got screwed over by a hoebag  
I've got knights, your only fan's a clod of mud  
Your treasury is full of magic shooting duds

I am the main magic man with speech 100  
I can bargain with the fae, over table and down under  
I gave my boy an empire spanning many lands  
Your's is stuck between two rivers, made by magic hands

Gilgamesh:  
Magic hands? You would know much about that  
Spending time spraying sparks from your little magic bat  
My people are strong, they can run the city by their own  
More than I can say for Britain, it got internally pwned

While you were fighting with yourselves, I'm travelling the world  
Gathering so many treasures, with envy you will hurl  
I am the richest king that the world has ever seen  
Much more than than your boy, Arthur, would ever had been

Merlin:  
Riches and gold? That's all you ever get  
Your foolish personality is too far gone and set  
You could never get a date, only a jealous goddess  
Your only likes are doubtful, your heart is brown and worthless

I'm fae ice cold, your gold is flakey  
My rhymes so raw, yours is old and shabby  
I'm way too bold , you can't beat me, laddy  
You're the King of Heroes, but I'm your daddy


	3. Nero Claudius Versus Elizabeth Bathory

Nero:  
The best performer to ever graced the stage  
The only one confident to fight your dragon rage  
I'm the standard to reach, you're the lowest of the low  
There's no way you fight me and stand up to my flow

I can sing, I can dance, whatever outfit, I can wear  
You can only wear children's clothes. Here, have a gummy bear  
You're not worthy of being on stage with me, step back  
I'd do better than you wearing only ashes and a sack

You're singing's so horrid, all the flowers wither  
The audience will run away from this music killer  
If you think I'd accept that kind of singing, you're a loon  
You're so bad, like you're singing 'She Bangs' out of tune

Liz:  
Here I come, people! Hear me Roar!  
You can stay grounded while I rise and soar  
The best? You're just a bitty momma's boy  
Pampered and coddled like a little play toy

You're a tyrant. You're just forcing people to hear you.  
Even the Tenth Apostle is coming at you with BOO!  
Your own mother used you when you came to power  
Then she died, you moved on to kill your teacher and your brother

My singing is bad? You're so full of shit  
Your ear's all blocked up to hear my voice! (Lit!)  
Your taste is so bad, you watched Rome burn down  
Just you wait, I'll spray your blood all over town

Nero:  
Blocked up you say? Take a close look at yours  
Get your throat checked instead of thinking of tours  
And you would know a lot about blood and all that  
Spent all your time bathing in it to help you keep flat

Hear you roar? Please, I'm the lion here.  
You're so lacking, you can't hurt a fly with your spear  
You can't stand up to me, I have all the power  
I'm pristine, I'll send you back, and lock you up in your tower

Shakespeare:  
Oh my, how fun, two cats squabbling  
In front of a crowd, two felines fumbling  
I should put you both in one of my plays  
With trials, tribulations and lines for days

Bathory, I hear there's some bats in your belfry  
Your exterminator, lazy, your person, so crazy  
Lay off the blood, go out and take in some sun  
Oh wait, there's no way to fill out a suit with that one

Oh Nero, oh Nero, what to say about you  
You haven't had a good time since AD sixty two  
The play on your life, how fun it would be  
Until you ended your own without any dignity

Honestly, what I have for you two can fill up pages  
But time to send the pets back to their own cages  
For I have a play for solving this malady  
To suffer you both is my biggest tragedy


	4. Jeanne Ruler Versus Jeanne Alter

J. Alter:  
Ho? You're the one who's stepping near me?  
A goody two shoes who is also saintly  
There is no God, so you won't get any assistance  
There is no saving you, let the beat down commence

The people killed you, yet you still believe in goodness  
You heard His laments, yet all you got is ashes  
If you didn't die, Gilles wouldn't have lost it  
But then he wouldn't bring me, so thank you, now beat it

Jeanne:  
O, Lord, O God, please, I beg for Your forgiveness  
Before I take an action that absolutely heinous  
Now I shall take up my sword, and drive it in this fake  
Let's see how far, how much more that you can take

You say He doesn't exist, and yet you use His name  
You hypocrite! Taking his name in vain! (For shame!)  
Taking up the sword, I won all the battles in front of me  
Running on faith and prayers of the people. Can't you see?

J.Alter:  
The people? Haven't you heard a single word I said?  
The very same people you saved, wanted your head!  
I heard the cry for vengeance, I brought my dragons to the fore  
Since they asked for a villain, I played it, and more

As for you, you died, I survived, we're clearly not the same  
All you got in return was a pile of burning wood. (Flame!)  
Now get lost, go away, don't bother to return  
I follow the path of revenge, I have a country to burn

Jeanne:  
Yes, I died by their hands. Nothing else to say.  
But I did it for France, wouldn't have any other way  
Dragons? As powerful as they are, they fall down easy  
Let me introduce you to Assassin, Kojirou Sasaki

You can't beat me, I'm a Saint, the Lord by my side  
His light shines everywhere, so better run and hide  
With the Almighty in my corner, you have no chance  
I'm the patron Saint of Soldiers. Viva la France!


	5. Quetzalcoatl Versus Kiyohime

Quetzalcoatl:  
Hello! Nice to meet you! Let’s have a good battle  
Let the rest judge what is about to unravel  
I’m the Winged Serpent, Quezalcoatl  
I like peace, tranquility and a good wrestle

I bring out the Sun, I bring wind and rain,  
I also bring culture, life and whole grains  
I love humanity, I truly adore  
Our Master as well, humanity’s saviour

Kiyohime:  
Love? I’m sorry, did I hear wrong?  
You love our dear Master? Grr, you won’t live long  
His love is mine, I’m not one to share  
Take your claws off him, or I do swear

I don’t play nice, I won’t say it twice  
You better leave now, these words should suffice  
If you don’t heed them, I do not care  
What I do like is having my meat rare

Anchin is mine. Nobody can have him!  
Everyone else will use and dump on a whim  
But I’ll be forever loyal, his one true mate  
Anshin-sama, intertwined is our fate

Quetzalcoatl:  
You must be joking, you want to take me on?  
Then bring it, just bring it, come, let’s get it on!  
The fanfare fires, down the ring we go  
Mine will always start top Piedra Del Sol

I’m the hero, you’re the villain, the storyline goes  
My flaming piledriver will keep you on your toes  
Here comes the luchadora, on the wind I soar  
After laying the smackdown, I’ll feed you to my dinosaur


	6. Beowulf Versus Cu Chulainn Alter

Beowulf:  
What? This beast wants to best me in a fight?  
How brave of it to try my Scandinavian might  
I've slain monsters and dragons, and many other beasts  
It's time I did my job, and beat you with my fists

Choose! I'll take you with weapons or without  
Such a mindless beast can be defeated in a bout  
I've taken all comers. Even a giant and his mother  
My sword will seek your heart. I am the beast hunter.

Cu Alter:  
Geez, what a bore. Don't you ever shut up?  
It's like you like hearing your voice, you mewling pup  
Slay me? Hah! I've beaten immortals!  
Come, meet me now. I'll add you to my total.

So much pride. Don't you know it comes before fall?  
While you stop, I move forward. Their blood is my call.  
Just like yours. I shall spill. It shall soak on the floor.  
Leaving your remains, like my rhymes, all bloody raw

Besides, from I've heard, that you became a king  
Sitting on that throne made you a limp weakling  
When that dragon appeared, you went at it fighting  
When you stopped, poisoned weak, you fell, lay down dying

Beowulf:  
You get pointed to a battle, a massacre all bloody  
But what happens, when you're done, killing everybody  
You'll just lay down and die, as if someone kicked a puppy  
Unlike you, I lived my life. I died feeling worthy.

Yes, indeed! I did die, for the sake of my people  
Unlike you, running mad, for that little evil  
That midget summoned you to be her little fuck buddy  
You are just like a whale, mating with a kitty


	7. Ishtar Versus Enkidu

Ishtar:  
Bow down, mortals. Before you, a goddess  
Of beauty, war, desire, good harvests  
Beloved by all, still called Inanna  
The Mistress of Heaven all over Sumeria

Battling me? (haha) A poor choice indeed  
This is what happens when you follow his lead  
I had you die once, I can do it again  
In person this time, by my own hand

Enkidu:  
Indeed, indeed, a goddess you are  
But you left out something, O Inanna  
What of discord and lust, and fertility  
Since you spent so much time, down on your knees

Gilgamesh. The sole human I know  
He gave me 'self', he helped me grow  
I felt much joy when I am beside him  
You are but satisfied by physical whims

Ishtar:  
You were our punisher, not a befriender  
How dare you bond against divine orders  
A betrayer, bull killer, you're ugly and a dud  
But what can you expect from a simple clod of mud?

Enkidu:  
You love beautiful things, but they do not last  
Your one night stands are as equally fast  
Gil called you annoying, full of useless action  
The biggest divine nuisance since the dawn of creation

Now you better sit down, this is gonna be painful  
You can't stop a mud flow, its made to disable  
This chain's made to bind gods, so you can't beat me  
Time to bind you to a nunnery for all eternity


	8. Minamoto no Raikou Versus Shuten-douji

Minamoto no Raikou:  
Oh, you again. Go home little child  
The last time we met, my thunder went wild  
Struck you down, to the ground, just like a toad  
You want to repeat this electric overload?

Little child, run along, this is our world to save  
Small oni like you, should stay mucking in your cave  
I shall lead the charge, to protect all others  
Even our Master. He will come to me and call me mother

Shuten-douji:  
O, what's that? Is that a moo I hear?  
Has this tethered cow come back to drown in her tears?  
A toad? I see, that's exactly what you are  
A grand old mental case with a blade up your arse

I'm ready for round two, your blade will be useless  
I'll have you the way I like my chicken, boneless  
You cow, defeat me? I'll let you down. (Easy!)  
Yo, Ibaraki, I'm bored. Finish it for me

Ibaraki-douji:  
Ibaraki, sister oni, here to beat this teriyaki  
Beating this thunder who wants to be mommy  
Cut you to pieces, your lightning don't faze me  
I'll hack off that ass and serve you as sushi  
I-

Minamoto no Raikou:  
Goō Shōrai - Tenmōkaikai!

Ibaraki-douji:  
Help..... me..... No wai....  
(urgh)

Minamoto no Raikou (angry) :  
Nice try, but my power's too fly  
Beat this interruption with one move. (Oh, my!)  
Back to you, you damned insolent brat  
I'd smash you to paste, like I'd do to a gnat

I've taken this battle, my flow is too strong  
Round two is mine, you're far more than wrong  
But I'll let you live, if you do one thing for me  
Get on your knees, and say, "Mother, I'm sorry."


	9. Alter Ego Rasputin Versus Assassin EMIYA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor spoilers for Lost Belt. This is your only warning.

A.E. Rasputin:  
Creme de la Kremlin's arrivin'  
Here to beat down this Assassin  
Sent by an Alien God, I'll crush ya  
I'm the holy man of all of Russia

You can never hold a candle to me  
I'm blessed, man, divine and holy  
I am the one who killed da Vinci  
Have you ever did anything noteworthy?

Assassin EMIYA:  
Holy man, I see, many believe it true  
But I believe it's fake  
The Russian royal family might have listened  
But lies followed in your wake

You based your reputation on healing the tsar  
But you knew next to nothing on hemophilia  
Despite the best warnings of his loyal men  
You continued with your whisperings to Alexandra

A.E. Rasputin:  
You're a fool!  
Such a tool!

You've lost your way.  
I'm at the prime of my life.  
I'm even getting more sex  
Than you did with your wife

You have to work much harder  
To make sure that I am beaten  
Bullets can't stop me!  
So much poison I have eaten

Assassin EMIYA:  
Wife? What wife?  
Have you lost your mind?  
You say that you're invincible  
But now, your ass is mine

The bullets from my ribs  
This knife from my life water  
Circuits severed and rebound  
Now you're body's in the river


	10. BB Versus Mash Kyrielight

BB:  
Oh, hello there!  
Seems like you’re my battle pair  
To see who is closer  
To Senpai, almost there

You might have known him longer  
But you’re running out of time  
But I don’t have that weakness  
So he’s as good as mine

I’m all power, Mother goddess,  
Beautiful, and divine  
I’m advanced, ever changing  
Just a Super A.I.

Mash:  
Never!

I can’t give up!  
Not without a fight  
I shall strive to protect him  
As long as I have light

For a super A.I.,   
You’re lacking memory  
I regained my time   
In a Singularity

Cause’ Fou-kun helped me  
Back in Solomon’s Temple  
I’ve gotten more time  
And now owning this battle!

BB:  
Hah!

I think Your mind is foggy  
(Silly!)  
You may have more time but  
(Really?)  
You want to take me down?  
(Bully!)  
Time to make you feel sorry!

So what if you have time?  
Your shield can’t hold me!  
I have powers you can’t defend  
You’re below me!

I’ve got ten crowns  
You have a dinky shield  
I can dig you a crater  
You’ll be buried, so yield!

Mash:  
Being from the moon doesn’t mean you’ve won  
It only means you are far from human  
Immortal you are, but my Senpai’s mortal  
So am I, we’ll both die, leaving you, one total

My senpai’s heart only has space for me  
No one else has been with him from A to Z  
You’re just an A.I., One and zero chains  
You’ll go back to your world, Only I will remain


	11. Medb Versus Scathach

Medb:  
Oh! You’re the one who trained that boy  
Who turned me down and fired my loins  
If I can’t have him, no one will  
I’ll take you down with might of steel

I am Queen of Connacht  
You’re all alone  
I’m the lover of men  
You have no one to bone

I’m the ruler of the world  
The chosen Queen of fellows  
I’ll take what I fancy  
While you’re stuck in the Shadows

Scathach:  
A queen who thinks can take on me?  
Interesting, This I have to see  
My student, you like?  
This match you have striked?  
Time to put your head on a pike

You’re a lover of men  
Mischievous, distressing  
At least you are true  
It is quite refreshing

As you see, I’m well endowed  
With undefeatable skills  
So you can’t defeat me  
I’ll overcome with will

Your powers are sad  
Useless on me  
Cause’ I’m all woman  
You’re just a wee lassie

Medb:  
Wee lassie!?   
I’m all woman too!  
You bitch  
You just want Cu for you

Even if my powers won’t work on you  
My sword from dear Fergus will still screw you  
I can still run over you, GTA  
My soldiers are endless, To Infinity

Scathach:  
Ahha, I scoff at your little party tricks  
I’ll beat them all with grace and ease  
Now open your mouth and have some of these  
Parmesan, Cheddar, Ricotta and Brie


	12. Semiramis Versus Medea

Semiramis:  
Who is the fairest?  
Semiramis is.  
Coming in the battle  
For Medea of Colchis

You should be thankful that you get to battle me!  
A Queen! (Oh, yes) Epitome of royalty  
While you’re just a princess, (A pity) A life of tragedy  
You’re so far below, I rate about three

I’m the Master of Poison  
You got enslaved by a man  
I have won this battle  
Without dirtying my hands

Medea:  
Fairest, Oh, please…  
I simply beg to differ.  
Your stench has come wafting  
Like a street beggar

I’m princess who did more than you  
The strength of my spells are high (And True)  
I’m just simply better, I’m a higher grade  
Best leave now ‘fore light rains on your parade

So bring on your Gardens  
I shall scorch their grounds  
I’ll leave them barren, like you  
Now I’ve won this round.

Semiramis:  
I see, so you think you can beat me  
With just a few words,   
You desire to Fleece me

Sorry, you failed.   
No Wool over my eyes.  
Just a failure of a witch  
So just lay down and die

Medea:  
Shut up!  
You dare call me a witch  
I’m taking you out  
Like I scratch an itch

Now… 

Turning up the speed with this manic geezer  
Insufferable bitch, you’ll be the wheezer  
Pathetic little poison stuck in a freezer  
What a lousy witch cause’ I’m the real killer


	13. Cu Chulainn: Lancer Versus Caster

Cu Lancer:  
And yet another battle where I will be the victor  
There's no way I get beaten by this Caster  
I'm a legend, whose name is known through Ireland  
The son of a mortal and Tuatha Dé Danann

Superb when young, bested Culann's guard dog  
Became a Gaelic warrior though I fished against a log  
Came to the Shadow Lands, learnt the way of the spear  
And somehow, with my prowess, I knocked up my teacher

Annihilated my enemies in every single battle  
This is no different, my flow is so metal  
I won't lose to spearless me with his Runic Arts  
See you come back from a spear to your heart

Cu Caster:  
Man, you really are annoying  
Battle this, kill that,  
Doesn't it get boring?  
I think its time, that  
I take you down a peg or two  
Have a taste of this rune  
I call it 'Fuck You'

Yes, you had victory  
But your life was short  
You took too many geas  
You should learn to retort

You treated Medb with respect  
But what has that got you?  
A death filled with traps  
And I don't mean Astolfo

Cu Lancer:  
Yea, Queen Medb, what of that?  
Why shouldn't I treat my enemies with respect  
But for you, why? You're just another me  
I know you can take it, time for round number three

My life may be short, but I had no regrets  
I live the way I fight, head on with bravery with worthy opponents  
Doesn't what you say, you can't burn me one bit  
You can't stop me cause' I'm already lit

Cu Caster:  
I see, I see, now regretably  
Noble you are, but time to end this  
I have runes for all things  
Even this trap, so try and diss

I shall lure you in this square  
Then fire your derriere  
Slowly enclose you in earth  
Then light your feet with a hearth

With this ace up my sleeve,  
Calling the giant of trees  
Comes the end of my plan.  
I shout, "Wicker Man!"  
Count your stars, I decide to end with these  
It could be worse. You could be shouting, "Not The BEEESSSSS!"


	14. Jack the Ripper Versus Jekyll and Hyde

Assassin Jack:  
Hello! Good Morning!  
Eh? What is rapping?  
Word games with music? Ok.  
We’ll try our best. Come, let’s play!

You look like a nice guy  
Now a lot of science-y  
It all looks difficult  
Alchemy and Chemistry

Hey, what is this?  
Is this yours too?  
Are we done? Did we win?  
What is round number two?

Jekyll:  
Oh, little girl.  
Your innocence refreshing  
Even if you killed  
So many women. Interesting.

So small an evil, it is unaware  
Of how many souls are laid out to bare  
Constantly seeking the love of a mother  
Not knowing how she affects all the others

Assassin Jack:  
You know our mother? Tell us where is she  
Tell us, tell us, please tell Jackie  
We need her now, we protect her from harm  
We want to return, to where it’s safe and warm

Jekyll:  
Oh dear, what have I done?  
Of this recourse, I’m afraid, I only have one.

Hyde:  
Aaah, it’s so nice to be free  
My name is Hyde, come battle me!

Let’s see now, where do I start  
Hands, legs, head or heart  
You’re impressive. Your list is long.  
Such a wonderful thing, You’re really strong

But I’m stronger! I’ll overcome this clown  
What better way than to kill you now  
I’ll end your streak and bring up my own  
Then it’ll be me sitting on the killers throne

Assassin Jack:  
No, no, no, so scary…  
Hmm? Why do I feel so sleepy…

Zzzzzz

Berserker Jack:  
Sleep, child. It’s time to rest.  
Let me handle this annoying pest

Not the Ripper, now the Rapper  
Knocking you down when the stars a-glitter  
When they find you in the morning  
They will find it sick appalling  
Stenching up the place and more  
When stepping in the blood and gore  
Careful when I’m knocking on your door  
Ending you like my rhymes, bloody raw

A doctor, but you messed with your psych  
Split in two, now they callin’ your head on a pike  
If I end you now, the papers, they’ll be saying  
Dr. Jekyll is gone while you’ve gone in Hyde-ing


	15. EMIYA Versus Boudica

EMIYA:  
I, am, the bone of my sword  
Steel is my body, fire is my blood  
I’m, now, this kitchen’s lord  
Stepping up now is just not so good

Beating me in a battle is just not likely  
Just like you winning a Japanese shokugeki  
So better pack up, down your Tube and flee  
I’ll be sure to send your grave some sprigs of rosemary

My dishes are great, people are amazed  
I’ve had kings and queens praise my yakitori  
Tempura fluffy, soba, refreshing  
And then we top it off with some green tea ice cream

Boudica:  
Lord? Ah ha, I don’t think so  
Even in your prime, you can’t stand to my flow  
British cuisine has evolved through the ages  
You can never stand up to Britannian greatness

You have food for all seasons, I have food from all places  
Even the Queen delighted in eating chocolate Quakers  
And even if we get recipes from overseas  
A full English breakfast, filling guaranteed

Now, I think we should finish this beef  
I shall take this kitchen by the skin of your teeth  
Now no more excuses, nothing more to hash  
Don’t worry, I’ll save you some bangers and mash

EMIYA:  
Sausages? I thought you didn’t like Romans  
I think you’d be better at waiting tables, Miss Yeoman  
Didn’t you know? They’re brought in by Emperor Nero  
Maybe do some research, your mind’s so narrow

Boudica:  
Truly, oh dear, then I take that back  
Maybe I should save you some tarts and blancmange  
Oh, wait, I know what will do the trick  
The best dessert to fill your mouth: Spotted dick


	16. Jaguar Man Versus Medusa

Jaguar Man:  
Here we go! Here comes Jaguar Man  
The King of the Jungle, and everything I see  
I am the strongest, the mighty, the only one  
I can drive through anything in a Singularity

You can’t handle my attacks,   
I’m supernatural!  
You got screwed over by the gods  
You’re unbelievable!

Jaguar Punch! Jaguar Kick!  
Jaguar Eye! Take your pick!

Whatever you do,   
I’ll send you under the weather  
Nothing can stop me  
Not even your sweater

Medusa:  
What? What was that? Did you copy Mario?  
You piggy-backed a tiger, you’re a reject Wario  
You say you’re strongest. My baseline’s stronger  
You’re a whole step down, you couldn’t be milder

Punches, kicks and eyes, you sound like a Rider  
But you are so lame. (Ah-ha) Kintoki’s better  
Let me bring my nails, and they do impale  
And I’ll pawn off your coat at a black market sale

So you can’t beat me, cause’ I’m the real monster  
Your flow’s backed up. I’m the savage killer  
Now go back home, before you’re stoned to die  
I’ll gladly watch it with my own eyes

Jaguar Man:  
A monster, I can see. You’re freakishly tall  
Remember the saying? The higher the fall  
So I’ll wait in the shadows with my open maw  
I’ll be ready to pounce with my giant Death Claw

Medusa:  
You know what, I’ll warn you.  
You won’t like it when I’m angry  
I’ll build up a Fort  
And make a Jaguar Smoothie

This servant of a Jaguar God  
Is just a little fancy nod  
To a Tiger in a classroom  
Hearing its name, it goes Boom  
The same will happen to you  
So go back to your zoo  
Sit in your cage dreaming  
While I fly off, in the evening


	17. Oda Nobunaga Versus Okita Souji

Nobunaga:  
Hello, Saber, my old friend  
I’ve come to fight with you again  
We will fight under sakura trees  
I bet it will be a sight to see  
In the springtime  
Nobukatsu, will film this battle down  
In black and brown  
In the sound… of silence

Okita:  
Why are you singing? This is a rap battle.

Nobunaga: (smirk)

When I said we were to battle, I mean it  
I won’t stop till you’re on the ground defeated  
So bring it on, I’ll be sure to make this quick  
Done before it rains, before you fall sick

The first to use guns In Japan’s warfare  
Defeated my enemies and still had time for my hair  
I’m the King of Innovation, you’re just a simpleton  
And this Devil King will send you up to Heaven

Okita:  
For being a brother to you, I pity Nobukatsu  
Against my sword skills, there’s nothing you can do  
I’d dance around your guns, to slice you in two  
Wait, that’s not true, I’ll just put a hole in you

I can call the Shinsengumi  
They’re responding very quickly  
Stamping on injustice  
Defeating you is likely  
I won’t let illness stop me  
I’ll be the one to take you down  
But I’ll do it upfront  
Unlike Akechi the clown

Nobunaga:  
Oh really? That’s good  
I can see you face to face  
When I defeat you in battle  
I’m first in this race

What can your sword skills do  
Against three thousand guns  
You’ll be backed in a corner   
With nowhere to run

Don’t worry, little baby  
I’ll be quite lenient on yourself  
Blow up your squad with Papiyas  
And then take you for myself


	18. Meltlilith Versus Parvati

Meltlilith:  
Ho, where are you from?  
You think you can fight me, you lower life form  
I'm divine. More than an Alter Ego  
Unstoppable Servant, most powerful flow

I'll drop-kick you off your perch  
Wash you down the drain  
I'll deliver a virus  
That will eat out your brain

Parvati:  
Oh, my. How rude.  
Like fresh oil, so crude  
Mischevious little लड़की(lakadee)  
Needs a spank on her heiney

Divine? I see. So where are you from?  
Or are you so obscure, no one knows you exist?  
A relative unknown, I don't even know you  
Better stay that way since you're not on the list

Your flows are so stale, you're getting stagnant  
You're so useless, we shouldn't call you a Servant  
Your hands so cold, you're almost lame  
Your rhymes so weak, Saraswati is ashamed

You lack the warmth in your life  
I am the best wife  
You only end once  
While I'm Kouhai of Light

Meltlilith:  
Gah! How strong!  
You are such a twister.  
I need to call some help.  
Awaken, My Sisters!

(AYAYAYYY)

Violet:  
Freeze creep, you are not worthy  
Bad luck to fight her, so go blame Murphy  
You better leave, get out of her hair  
Or I'll freeze you in place with a stare

Kingprotea:  
Computing... I see  
This doesn't seem fair  
I could easily squish you  
Please return to your lair

Passionlip  
A goddess of beauty?   
You're just like me!  
But I am superior,   
So bow down to me

Meltlilith:  
Now you should be happy  
To face us at all

Violet:  
We rarely get out  
Thanks for the call

Kingprotea:  
We are too much for you  
This victory, free

Passionlip:  
Now let's leave behind  
This Bollywood tragedy


	19. Stheno and Euryale Versus Child Gilgamesh

Stheno:  
I am Stheno  
Euryale:  
I’m Euryale

S and E:  
I’m beautiful eternally

Stheno:  
I am beating you down  
Euryale:  
With raps that you can’t see

Stheno:  
I burn you with words  
Euryale:  
That flow unstoppably

Stheno:  
I had forever  
Euryale:  
To prepare

Stheno:  
In my  
Euryale:  
Swivel chair

S and E:  
I am a better  
Stheno:  
Singer  
S and E:  
Better  
Euryale:  
Archer

S and E:  
Better  
Stheno:  
Servant  
S and E:  
Better  
Euryale:  
Rapper

Child-Gil:  
Worthy praise for being in sync  
Thank your lucky stars for that little link  
You’re rather cocky for being pretty little liars  
Get your flame shields cause’ I’m on fire!

Oh!

Now I’m ready, roast these  
Ho’s!  
Start to run, nowhere to  
Go!  
People want to freaky?  
No!  
Selfish?  
Yo!  
Spoiled?  
Oh!  
Doctor says, “To Ranch you go!”

S and E:  
How dare you, you chibi grunt!   
Stheno:  
Drowning or shooting?  
Euryale:  
A war on two fronts

Stheno:  
You haven’t seen the dark side  
Euryale:  
From all men of all sides  
Stheno:  
You wouldn’t know anything, stupid kid  
Euryale:  
You haven’t grown up in the world like I did

Stheno:  
I did what I had to do  
Euryale:  
I had to survive, unlike you  
Stheno:  
Set in your palace  
Euryale:  
In a fancy city  
S and E:  
Try living on an island  
With a Meduseless monkey

Child-Gil  
Yes, that much is true  
That I grow up to be not cool  
But to say that I enjoyed life  
Is the talk of two fools

Your lonesome slipped to insanity  
Your beauty became depravity  
No longer are you deities  
When your sister put you in her tummy


	20. Saint Martha Versus Xuanzhang Sanzhang

Martha:  
Greetings, fellow Servant  
Sad that this is necessary  
That we fight this battle  
Don't worry, I will give mercy

You and I are quite similar  
You went to the West  
I went down a river  
On many other things we do differ  
I'm a gold medal  
While you're just a silver

My dragon eats yours in a single gulp  
Remind me to give you a star on Yelp  
That's it, you're finished, there's no coming back  
Now to the place you came, to East you go back

Sanzhang:  
Buddha bless you,   
May you have a good day  
Sad we are to battle  
But I shall not stray

Buddha will guide me on to victory  
I shall not give up, hear my overture  
With mercy from Guanyin,  
Four friends and one adventure!

Eightfold Path to lead my way  
Patience and kindness to bring serenity  
Making many friends along the journey  
Even your dragon and my horse are being friendly

Martha:  
Tarasque... what are you doing there?  
Perhaps some punishment would do.  
Come show me your rear

Sanzhang:  
What? Wait! You shouldn't do this!  
He's just making friends, please hold back your fist

Martha:  
Oh, you're approaching me?  
A fight you want, a fight it shall be!

The saint took out her staff and smacked the monk in the head. She then sprinted over to Tarasque swung her staff like a bat, sending him flying on top of the monk, who recovered and pushed against its heavy, rolled up body. Martha leaped atop of the dragon after standing her staff in the earth.

Martha:  
You better apologize,  
You foolish dragon

Sanzhang:  
Stop! He's in pain  
He's your companion

Martha:  
After he's done, you I will pwn  
Like killing two birds with one stone

Then the saint started punching, the monk sent her palms in reply. The dragon whimpered softly, steeling his behind.  
"SeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSeiSei"  
"AmiAmiAmiAmiAmiAmiAmiAmiAmiAmi"  
With a great yell, the monk unleashed a final palm strike and sent the dragon plus saint flying.

Sanzhang:  
I hope you learned your lesson  
If you hadn't learnt before  
Do not mistreat your companions  
Amituofo


	21. Scheherazade Versus Nursery Rhyme

Nursery Rhyme:  
Baa, baa, black sheep  
Have you any wool?  
Barely, any,  
Covering you

Comfort the Master  
Your only use  
Keeping his bed warm  
Your chest is obtuse

Scheherazade:  
I see, you're trying to rhyme against me  
I've told more stories than your melody  
I went against a king and kept my life  
You're just a book, not even alive

Your list barely reaches hundred  
I have a thousand and one  
Stories for all ages  
And much more fun

So what if I warm the bed  
I don't know how to fight  
But other Servants I can puppet  
So you better take flight

So step down little girl  
And fear my might  
All my stories for the Master  
Steamy Arabian Nights

Nursery Rhyme:  
Sherry, o sherry  
You're quite contrary  
Your rhymes are so dreary  
Yourself is top heavy

You married a king who threatened to kill you  
Delayed for three years like a woman in a shoe  
So afraid of death, better carry some posies  
Cause' I'm coming at you like bush o' rosies

You like to go down like a bridge in London  
Like the cock robin, you'll die quite often  
I'm beating you down like that Grand Old Duke  
You'd be ashamed, cause' you got defeated by a book


	22. Karna Versus Arjuna

Arjuna:  
Why are you here to see me?  
Can’t you just let me be?  
Isn’t it enough? You being here  
Just serves as torture on me

I was the greatest Archer India has ever seen  
Until you stepped up to my face and challenged me  
My brothers and I laughed you off the stage  
Little did I know I would never be free

You haunt me all your live  
Even in death and in my life  
You darkened my life and I don’t know why  
Why do you exist? You caused so much strife

Karna:  
I wanted to challenge you to test my skills  
And yet I was treated with disdain  
If you had not insulted my stepfather  
I would have left with only a stain

I owed my friend a debt, so I took part too  
That war was a trial that I took no pride and joy  
My mother couldn’t stop me, nor could your father  
If I hadn’t promised to spare you, you would not be coy

I could defeat you with ease  
I can do so again  
Don’t test me, my brother  
Or I shall see your brain

Rama:  
Enough!   
Why is it that you two are fighting!?  
Step aside or I’ll dish out some beatings

Arjuna! Of Pandava!  
Why do you do this to your brotha’!?  
Both of you have shared the same motha’  
I would be ashamed if I was Indra!

Karna! Of Kaurava!  
Have you not read the Mahabharata!?  
You got shot dead by this younga’ sucka’!  
So cool it down. Blood’s thicker than wata’

So you two need to grow up now!  
Stop acting like some wooden plows  
If you both unite, you’re far more stronger  
A battle pair unlike any other!


	23. Julius Ceasar and Cleopatra Versus Sigurd and Brynhildr

Ceasar:  
Behold! Here comes the emperor of Rome  
The great empire from which I call my home

Cleopatra:  
And the loveliest Pharaoh the world has ever seen  
Now get on your knees, bow down to the queen

Ceasar:  
With superior tactics, I‘ll win this battle  
A master of the mic, you can cease your prattle  
My beloved greets me with hugs and kisses  
While yours greets you then stabs you to pieces

Cleopatra:  
What a troublesome two, they really are  
It’s a waste to receive, send them back to Valhalla  
She would sooner betray him and strike him down  
Such a bothersome child, led around by a clown

Brynhildr:  
There, my strike, shall it be true?  
Oh, my love, I’m sorry, Are you…

Sigurd:  
My dear, I am fine. You see, I am well.  
Now, let us send these two fools down to Hel

Brynhildr:  
Pitiful queen, your flow is quite sad  
You may be beautiful but your rhymes are bad  
Missing your man when your tit got bit  
Tell me now, how is it, that you think you’re lit?

Sigurd:  
Emperor there, I’ll tell it to your face  
You're way to slow to run this race  
I’ve beat dragons and beasts with my own hands  
With your spare tires, you’re a Michelin Man!

Ceasar:  
Fat? Oh really? Is that all you can call me?  
I’ve beaten tougher foes. It’s like you’re trying to bore me!  
I’ll march all over you with a legion of my countrymen  
So go back home and start crying in your den

Cleopatra:  
Of course I’m lit, I do everything perfectly  
Even when whipping your ass, I’m still the beauty  
Stop killing your man, you might have a chance  
But no, so sadly, your curse is too enhanced

Sigurd:  
I will plow through your army, I’ll barely sweat  
Overwhelming power, you can’t handle that  
Your schemes can’t beat me, neither can your tricks  
Your empire’s a bust, just ask Asterix and Obelix

Brynhildr:  
And then you will cry, cause’ you lost him again  
This siren has no voice, like we both intend  
Fatherless child and husbandless wife  
Cesarion all alone since you took your own life


	24. Romulus Versus Leonidas

Romulus:  
Rome! The one Holy Great Empire  
Spanning the entire Itallian Peninsula  
Son of a god brought here to battle  
Step up to me and you'll be slaughtered like cattle

I am the founder of a nation most glorious  
It surrounds the world, empire enourmous  
You have no hope of victory, I will raze you to the ground  
Never to rise again, never to make a sound

Leonidas:  
Spartans! Let's start this!  
Show this puny demigod who's the hardest!  
Your walls are hard, but my abs are harder!  
I'm going through you with three hundred lancers!

Your spear too weak to invade  
Then we shall rhyme in the shade  
You will crash against my spear and shield  
You want them? Molon Labe

Romulus:  
You fool! You talk of strength of arms!  
If you still persist, I will do you harm

My armies are the best, far above you pricks  
Trained hard every day, formations and tactics  
I dance with wolves, and yet I raised an empire  
With my own two hands! You'll burn with Greek fire!

Leonidas:  
Oh! You want to fire me?  
You should fire your daughter for burning your tree!

Your Romans can't beat us. Greeks are stronger.  
If you go by sea, you face Athen's armada  
By land you face me, you damned war monger  
I will kick your ass to the ground and shout  
THIS  
IS  
SPARTA!


	25. Artoria: Saber Versus Lancer

Saber Artoria:  
Greetings o Lancer, another King Arthur  
You took the lance instead of Excalibur  
Let’s face off with honor and have a good battle,   
We throw down as knights, be it honorable

The ruler of Britain thanks to a sword  
A simple knight raised to feudal lord  
Became a king with age disabled  
Knights from all lands came to sit at my table

Lancer Artoria:  
Another indeed, but you’re less of a person  
You’ve fully forgotten what it means to be human  
It took a young boy to make you realize  
It’s ok to relax, to sit back and recline

A pity. Your burdens are just like mine  
Yet the way they’re faced is less than sublime  
Fanatically rigid to doing your duty  
Like that stick up behind you, blocking your booty

Saber Artoria:  
Excuse me? How can you say this to me?  
I thought you understood what it means to be king  
I shall strike you down for disrespecting me!  
Knock you off your high horse and making you sing

You won’t defeat me, it has promised me  
My sword will bring me victory  
I will be the one to win this race  
And I will wipe your coal off my face

Lancer Artoria:  
Face it, my dear, what I say is true  
I’m way more endowed with rhymes better than you  
You’re stuck in a body and mind so immature  
I grew up and accepted my human nature

I know what it means to make the difficult choices  
I treated people fairly and heard their voices  
You should from this loss and master your rhyming  
Don’t be a king who’s clueless to human feelings


	26. Ereshkigal Versus Astraea

Ereshkigal:  
Halt, intruder. Do not go further  
It is too dangerous to go to the lands down under  
My words you should listen, my warning you should hear  
Or you'll be like poor Ishtar, to be torn asunder

But if you persist, I fear you are lost  
For I am too powerful, you should believe me  
My rhymes are so cold, that you cannot bear  
Your death will be quick, and you cannot flee

Astraea:  
Ah ha, nice flow, but you can't hold a candle  
To me, Astraea, for I'm too much to handle  
My rhymes so pure, they burn you down  
They strike with precision. I'll take you to town

You may rule the underworld, but I sail the stars  
I'm way more beautiful than this gorilla  
Equality and justice under my employ  
You will never leave from your cage Irkalla

Sitonai:  
Ha! What is this? A two hussy fight?  
Why not I join in and show who's light?

Hey, Eresh, calm down. Why are you so livid?  
Could it be these days Nergal doesn't like frigid?

Yo, Astraea! Why're your panties in a bind?  
You should make like Dike, and become blind!

None of you posers can match up to me  
My flows too fast for you to see  
The number one rule to know is this  
I am the best cause' Flat Is Justice!


	27. Astolfo Versus Chevalier d'eon

Astolfo:  
Yahoo!   
I'm back! I'm here to battle, so hurry  
Here to trounce a Frenchman  
And send him back to Burgundy

Are you man or woman? Can you make up your mind?  
Can I take a closer look, and let me decide?  
Although I admit, you make men's clothes look good  
But in women's clothes, I sure am cute

The unstoppable optimist  
The handsome one, so knightly  
I already have you beat  
With my lance up your hiney

d'eon:  
I fought for my country  
I do it with all loyalty  
Yet they put me against  
This cross-dressing pony

I cannot deny Charlemange's paladin  
But so many messes you keep getting in  
Reign in your mouth, you big ribaldis  
Or you'll get enchanted and trapped in a tree

Every writer portrays you weak  
Saved by your items and hippogriff's beak  
So back down now, you great big puss  
Or I'll fill you with holes with my blunderbuss

Astolfo:  
You sure talk a lot for the king's spy  
Did they teach you that in Secret du Roi?  
I can beat you without my mount and things  
My lance can beat your little Fleur de Lys

d'eon:  
Ahha! You fool! You fell into my trap  
Thank you. Victory is now on my lap  
Bring your lance! I'm a fencing master  
I'll school you now in dress and rose water


	28. Jing Ke Versus Qin Shi Huang

Qin Shi Huang:  
The First Emperor that came from China  
I burned old books and outdated scholars  
I made China a dominant power  
Gained immortality by becoming mecha!

I conquered the world after my revolution  
Built the Great Wall cause' I suffer no intrusion  
The Earth is mine, my life is eternal  
Emperor forever, I have no equal

I remember you! You tried to kill me  
Luckily you failed, preserving history  
If only you learned how to handle your knife  
You could have succeeded and escaped with your life

Jing Ke:  
Ah, the Emperor, First in your name  
To have not killed you, an unfortunate shame  
Since I'm forbidden from taking your head  
I shall win this battle and have that instead

I love books, discourse and the way of the sword  
You take the lands from all the warlords  
You burned the books for disagreeing with you  
You buried not scholars but lying buffoons

Truly, you merely make yourself out to be great  
You're just a tyrant, now stand down and meet your fate  
Within ten steps I can make you dead  
I'll return to Prince Dan, bringing your head

Qin Shi Huang:  
Fool, you're a maid stuck in the past  
You should look to the future since you didn't last  
I brought China out of old with modern reform  
I am now immortal! An ultimate lifeform!

Jing Ke:  
(sigh)  
I see, you turned into that  
A half-naked man with a pillar up your back  
In that case, there's only one thing to do  
To send you into space with an erupting volcano


	29. Francis Drake Versus Mary Reed and Anne Bonny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Collab with Godot-sensei

Francis Drake:  
Ha ha!   
I’m the boss from starboard to prow  
Get off my boat, I’m in chArrge now  
The most devilish pirate the world has ever seen  
Why ya stepping up with that lackluster sheen?

I screwed the Spanish out of their armada  
Then I went south to sack Panama  
Gotten much treasure and booty to my name  
And all the booze that I want to contain

So sail on your way, fore’ I sink ya ship  
The cannons on both sides are enormously lit  
So escape and follow your consternation  
Before you find out Davey’s locker combination

Anne:   
Come on Mary, let's show her how we rock.

Mary:   
I'll get my sword, you take out your flintlock.

Anne:   
Me and Mary here, we're tied by the hip   
I'll only need three bullets for you and your ship,   
Without a partner, you're the weakest link   
Two in the pink and one in the stink 

Against our kind of rhymes, you can't do Calico Jack,   
It wasn't just gold you have stolen, you hack.   
You can't win against us, we're legendary.   
So be a dear and finish this verse for me, Mary.

Mary:   
You're so full of shit, even though you're free.   
But after all that? Still died of dysentery.

Francis Drake:  
Dysentery? Oh, you’re one to talk  
Anne’s father got her out, she got to walk  
Leaving you in the cage, pleading the belly  
Then you died of a fever. Ain’t that merry?

Anne:   
I couldn't save Mary, and I regret that.   
But at least she died as a pirate, you rat.  
Everyone knows you worked for your dear old Queen,   
And you're the worst pirate the world has ever seen!

Blackbeard:  
Did someone say ‘Queen Anne’?  
(Mary’s cutlass to the head)

Francis, Mary, Anne:  
No!

Blackbeard:  
Aww…

Francis Drake:  
Indeed! In Her Majesty’s Service  
I sailed round the world and broke the Spanish  
While you ran from home, without your garters  
And captured your friend after raiding her quarters

Mary:   
Great job, you just used fire-ships against the Spanish.   
Why don't you go on a wild hunt and vanish?   
You can't beat us, so keep this in mind:   
We just kicked your ass - Golden Hind.


	30. Spartacus Versus Caligula

Spartacus:  
HA! An oppressor appears  
Time to rebel and cause your tears  
I'll avenge your victims and protect countless more  
I shall throw down your reign of terror

You horrified your people,   
You oppressed them even more  
Nobody wanted you  
An ass of an Emperor

You threw them to the lions  
Ran them through with swords  
I'll kill all your soldiers  
And take your head afterwards

Caligula:  
Foul beast! You dare rise against me?  
A simple gladiator aginst the strength of Hercules?  
The luck of Mercury? Apollo's archery?  
The new son of Rome will take this easily!

This Thracian mercenary cannot measure up to Jupiter  
I'll have your skin flayed off,  
You army deserter

I am god most high above you puny mortals  
What's a few lives  
When I make Rome eternal?

I'll drag you to prison,   
The sentence not so lightly  
With the blessings of the moon,  
I'll punish you severely

I'll clap you in chains while I take your wife excitedly  
But you can avoid this,  
If you bow down and worship me

Spartacus:  
Wretched scum!  
You dare enslave me!?  
I take all this love and bring you calamity!

You madness never ends and it shall be the key!  
It will fuel my power. More! Battle me!  
And when I explode, your body falls in disgrace  
I shall then die with a smile on my face


	31. Mordred Versus Lancelot

Lancelot:  
Traitor! You dare face me!  
I'll hang you up on a blasted tree!  
You betrayed the king and struck him down!  
I will drag you to the Lake, then you will drown!

I supported the king, to relieve his burden  
I worked with the Queen, to have his worries lessen  
While you added to it and damaged Camelot  
I'll smash you with a table for the war you have wrought

Mordred:  
Haa? What? You called me a traitor?  
I didn't take the queen to the garden to bang her  
It wasn't just me that said, "There is something wrong."  
The feelings were already there, so I pushed it along

This is what he gets for disrespecting me!  
I'm his one true heir, his own family!  
Why didn't he say that I was his son?  
Was he that so ashamed that my mother sired one?

So, yes! I rebelled. I killed the King.  
This is what he gets for not acknowledging me  
I did it once! I'll do so again!  
Pave the way another round of the Battle of Camlann!

Lancelot:  
Stupid child! Those words you uttered  
Kill the bastard fool named Mordred  
(Mad Enhancement activated)

Artoria Saber:  
Enough!  
The battle is done. Now desist and rise!  
No more shall my knights continue to fall like flies.

Lancelot, control yourself. Rise above this!  
This is not the knight I brought into my service  
Don't be hard on yourself, you I have forgiven  
Now calm yourself and lower your weapon

Mordred, enough. Antagonize no further  
Yes, all blame falls on me, your father  
Yes, I did say you've no capacity  
For a king to rule, he needs tempered humanity

Indeed, I did say that. Why are you astonished?  
I should have listened when they said  
My emotions had vanished

Thankfully, I've retrieved the humanity  
I abandoned long ago  
And if you must know... his name is Shirou


	32. Billy the Kid Versus Robin Hood

Billy the Kid:  
Hello there, partner. Whadya doing there?  
Prancing 'round in tights like a dancin' bear?  
Your arrows are slow, they're easily broken  
Bullets are way faster, I can shoot you for a token

Ain't no one can match the youngest 'slinger  
You can't stand up to me, you ain't a dead ringer  
You better watch out or you'll be gone too soon  
You're catching lead with your head when it reaches high noon

I'll be taking your horse, I'll be stealing your thunder  
I'll be rustling your lady and show her my revolver  
For a boss outlaw, you died like a lackey  
Betrayed by a prioress in her nunnery

Robin Hood:  
Well, hello there my good sir!  
Part with your gold, with a trot and canter  
Your guns won't serve you in Nottingham Forest  
You'll be jumping at shadows in lincoln green dress

I rob from the rich and give to the poor  
You robbed for yourself and left your heart at the door  
Your dusty chaps are quite weak to my arrow points  
Wait till I send one down in your knee joint

Now from what I hear, I don't like the West  
They chased you around without any rest  
You were wanted for murder, something I never did  
I'll forever be a hero, you'll forever be a kid

Billy the Kid:  
Sure, I killed, but I plead self-defense  
Your town didn't want you, so drop your pretense  
You ain't a hero, you're just a lawless offender  
You're more at home killing people just like Red Archer

Robin Hood:  
You knave! Don't compare me to that hypocrite  
He has no pride while my archery is lit  
Now shut your trap, you little rascally boy  
'Fore I stuff you in a pram so you can throw out your toys


	33. Marie Antoinette Versus Edmond Dantes

Dantes:  
One king to find them all,   
This one will find them  
One King of Caverns call  
His darkness bind them

Haydee you are not, you cannot compare  
You drained the coffers to start an affair  
You spend and spend without any care  
You even bought mad Handsome Jack's mare!

For all what you did, you were sentenced to death  
You lost your head, much like Macbeth  
You were what's wrong with France that time  
Now it became better, minus taxes and tithe

Marie:  
Oh, my, such words from our lips  
This Avenger thinks he's so hip  
With dark colors and emotional manner  
Isn't it a wonder you're an emo killer

You, my dear, I do not like  
You stink of smoke, far too much spite  
So, please, Dantes, put out your fire  
And go back home, please take a shower

And spending a lot is an accident  
Why should you complain? You hardly make a dent  
Why not share your treasures with Chaldea?  
Ah ha, isn't that a noble idea?

Dantes:  
Enough I shall not listen to you  
Your bewitching words shall only go through  
Out of my ears, they shall not stay  
Now fall to despair in my Mythologie

Marie:  
Unfortunate for you, I faced it before  
When I walked past those Temple doors  
I still braved it all with a smile and grace  
Now please, wipe all that coal from your face


	34. Salome Versus Hijikata Toshizhou

Hijikata:  
Your name is Salome, but you do not bring peace  
Out of all the Servants, you are the least  
Love is an excuse for demanding head  
I shall put an end to your acts with hot lead

Now you face the Shinsengumi VC  
A fearless swordsman, and brave MC  
Your dancing is nothing against this rapper  
I'll strike with my sword and shoot this viper

Your deviousness won't work on me  
My loyalty to Japan and Shinsengumi  
You can't take my head, so you can't beat me  
So take your skull, turn around, and flee

Salome:  
This is not madness, this is just love  
So your harsh words, please dispose of  
The Master's stress, I want to relieve it  
That is all that I want. (Mhmm) Believe it.

You might have been a fearless man  
You're a poor samurai who betrayed his clan  
But of course, a squad, how silly of me  
But didn't you throw that blue haori?

So, you're a sinner, like you have called me  
If love is a sin, then I plead guilty  
A turncoat like you is not in good stead  
Try to be careful, or I'll ask for your head

Hijikata:  
There is no chance that you can have it!  
I'll strike you down, my rifle is lit!  
I didn't betray the squad, I just changed my clothes  
So dispense with your lies and fall to my flow

Salome:  
I think not, you old half-wit  
Like MC Hammer, you can't touch shit  
You should know better, the power I control  
Your neck will be cut, your head will roll


	35. Kama Versus King Hassan

Kama:  
I am Kama, Kamadeva  
God of Love, a longing lover  
Here to fight this old man  
With one winning plan

This old man has only played one  
Tasting my arrows, he's finally done  
Irresistible scent, they carry to the heart  
Filled with much love, it will burst apart

I only need one shot to take him down  
And then I will go and paint all the town  
I will bring forth the spring and gentle breeze  
So I can teach Master the birds and the bees

King Hassan:  
I pity you so, your mind is tactless  
A heathen you are, truly graceless  
I think it's time to put down one goddess  
Someone so heinous and utterly shameless

Love fills my heart and it's not from you  
I follow the Lord with all that I do  
To err is human, to forgive divine  
To those that err, have lost their time

I put an end to their sinful ways  
You encourage sin with every sway  
You must calm down and tempt no further  
Or you will find I'm not averse to murder

Kama:  
Murder, that won't work, I have no body  
Are you this way 'cause you have nobody?  
Come on now, let me shoot you through  
Maybe some goddess can satisfy you

King Hassan:  
I walk alone through the Valley of Shadow  
The Evening Bell tolls all sweet and mellow  
You can't see me. It's time to be dead.  
You refuse to repent, hand over your head.


	36. Leonardo da Vinci Versus Nikola Tesla

da Vinci:  
You cannot mention genius without talking 'bout me  
You're not fighting a turtle, you battle da Vinci  
I'm here to rebut this Serbian salami  
Whose efforts got stolen by a man from New Jersey

Your output is basic, mine is amazing  
Called Omnipotent. Such is my calling  
Artist, scientist, inventor galore  
This mind of mine can do so much more

Your mind was brilliant but swindled to hell  
You accumulated debts living in hotels  
This battle will go as I foresee  
Renaissance defeats electricity

Tesla:  
You may be a genius, but I am one too  
I refuse to back down or defeated by you  
I alternate my flow to keep you confused  
Til I can drop a bomb that you can't defuse

You might be amazing but I am electric  
I cannot be beat in this field so magnetic  
You're not a turtle, but you did design one  
A shell of wood and metal, such a cranky weapon

You have something for birds and not the bees  
You wanted to soar and fell on your knees  
This Servant is a fraud, this I will say  
So get in your copter and fly away

da Vinci:  
I see, you disparage my love of flight  
But you have yet to see me serious in a fight  
Perhaps I should show you what you are missing  
Then you can see you can't handle this dissing

Tesla:  
I can handle anything you throw at me  
Electricity is useful, a valued utility  
Stairs and bridges to connect humanity  
My System will bring much prosperity

So I cannot allow you to muck everything  
This will end with your defeat  
Struck by greased lightning

da Vinci:  
Speaking on death you got hit by a car  
Didn't seek a doctor, didn't go very far  
Blocked off your heart, and so you died  
Too bad not Truck-kun, you should be isekai-ed


	37. Lu Bu Versus Heracles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -sigh- What was I thinking...

Lu Bu:  
Greatest Warrior of the Past!  
Here to Win and Kick You Ass!  
Pointy Stick go in You Head!  
Splash Pink Stuff Overhead!

Catching Beasts to Make Zoo!  
Waifu Dead Because of You!  
Clean Bull House, Have no Class!  
Stealing Belt, Behave Like Ass!

Greatest Horse Belong to me!  
Go Ahead! Try to Flee!  
Winner of Rap Battle is Me!  
TAKE YOU HEAD SO ALL CAN SEE!

Heracles:  
Strongest Man!? You Suck Balls!  
Herc Past Further, Strongest of All!  
No Need Stick to See You Mind!  
Take it From You Butt Behind!

Betray Dad And Get Top Hat!  
Run Around Like Shitty Brat!  
Herc Beat You And Spank You Ass!  
Diao-chan Come? HERC SMASH!

Herc Stone Axe Put You in Ground!  
Many Pieces, None is Found!  
Shoot Me One, Have Twelve Life!  
Pointy Stick be Little Knife!

Lu Bu:  
NO! NO! You Cannot Touch!  
Me Will Put You Inside Crutch!  
Breaking Legs! Breaking Arms!  
Trample You, Drag You Around!

Heracles:  
HA! That Give No Effect!  
Time to Show Disrespect!  
Tie You Neck And Let You Hang!  
Stupid Traitor Been Defang!


	38. Hassan of Serenity Versus Chloe von Einzbern

Chloe:  
I have plenty of time to kill  
Keeping it real, hold no ill will  
Very sure I'll be making you ill  
After I'm done, handing in the bill

My attack, you can't stand  
I'm an Archer, man  
So skilled with bow  
I'm taking you down low

You have a poison body  
But you can't hold anybody  
You can never feel love  
So I drop down from above

My flow is easy peasy  
Your's is ill and wheezy  
You should visit the doctor  
And get some pills, you're dizzy

Serenity:  
Cute, something true  
But I'll never touch you  
Better finish you before  
The FBI reach my door

You're a clone of your sister  
And I've already met her  
You cannot hold a candle  
To the things she can handle

You came from a card  
Hoisted up with a petard  
I'll be sure to blow you up  
While I fill up your cup

So you should back down  
And go back to town  
Telling all your defeat  
Groveling at my feet

Chloe:  
No way! I cannot be beat  
I shoot explosive arrows  
I don't admit defeat

Why talk about feet?  
What about your head?  
Didn't that Old Man take yours?  
When he made you dead?

Serenity:  
Well, I'm surprised you didn't mention  
How I fell for a man that I poisoned

And oh, what is this?  
You are linked with your sis.  
Touch her face, I'll do this  
Proxy kill you with a kiss


	39. Li Shuwen Versus Yan Qing

Li Shuwen:  
My apologies, I am sorry for interrupting  
A time for a battle to start its commencing  
If you would please step up, sorry for barging  
But I'm afraid I'm stronger by a large margin

With the strength of my fist and skills of the spear  
My technique so refined that opponents show fear  
I have trained many students, well-known among their peers  
Your fists do not scare me, so this much is clear

You should concede, my power undeniable  
I have overcome any odd insurmountable  
For defeating you, one round should suffice  
It's the way I fight, no need to strike twice

Yan Qing:  
Please, honored elder, no need to be sorry  
It is only you and your head so hoary  
I would like to debate the fact you're stronger  
When there are many others better in this Grand Order

Now forgive this one, but you are too brutal  
One way or another, you racked up quite a total  
So many people riled up, even blind men could see  
And you died choking, drinking poison in your tea

I shall not concede, I insist on this fight  
I shall certainly win and show my true might  
I come all sides, there is no place to run  
Now what do you say to this, Li Shu-wen

Li Shuwen:  
Impressive, I must say, that you could come back  
It seems scaling a mountain went off the beaten track  
Perhaps you stay away from out in the open  
They're mistaking you for a gangster, what a notion  
It's time to ramp with my spear, o Spirits so Heavenly  
It will leave you grasping for breath, undeniably

Yan Qing:  
Gangster, call me gang-star  
I shine for destiny when I'm dropping bars  
I'm attacking with no shadow  
Like I'm having cursed arms  
This wanderer's gonna end you  
Can't see which one is me  
This old paid EXTRA passed away  
And I did it for free


	40. Christopher Columbus Versus Edward Teach

Columbus:  
Arrivederci!  
I’mma leave before this battle begins  
…

Blackbeard:   
(?)

Columbus:  
Cause’ everyone here knows  
Which captain’s going to win!

You would amount to nothing  
If it weren’t for me  
I’m the one who set sail  
And found Caribbean seas  
This pirate is not welcome  
Go turn around and flee  
Run back to the whorehouse  
And drink up your coffee

I’ll overcome your Queen  
I have the backing of one  
As well as three Saints  
So you’re finally done

Blackbeard:  
Oh, good, what we have here?  
One floppy explorer versus a buccaneer?  
No chance of fleeing, prepare to be boarded  
I’m taking all your gold but I’ve only just started  
All your men, your ships, your slaves, your spittoon  
After I’m done, you’re getting marooned

So come take me on, I have no fear  
I’ve plundered all manner of dumb privateers  
I’ve weathered many storms, I’m built like a tank  
So shut up and surrender or you’ll walk the plank

Columbus:  
Oh, God, you’re still here?  
You are truly no fun  
Battling you is a pain  
Even though I have won

You lost your gold and your head  
I know all your tricks  
If I want to see someone on fire  
I’d go watch John Wick

Now time for you to get lost  
You foul smelling cancer  
‘Fore I run my ship on yours  
And drop my anchor

Blackbeard:  
Well, fuck you, old man  
You’re no better than me  
While I plundered all the ships  
You went ashore for your booty

And screw your ships,   
You can’t fight my Anne  
That Saint of yours  
Is gonna get canned

I’ll screw your paint job  
And your little girl  
And dump you in a toilet  
Go give it a whirl


	41. Suzuka Gozen Versus Katou Danzou

Suzuka Gozen:  
Why is this thing asking for a fight?  
I'm a dancing master, you just flew kites  
I'm equally good at using my swords  
Please put up a fight and don't make me bored

You can move undetected, well so can I  
I transform into others, I'm truly sly  
I'll chop you to bits, so no more fruit flies  
Turn you into firewood, so lay down and die

In the end, you had no chance,   
You can't stand up to me  
You can't rhyme, you can't dance  
So just turn around and flee

Katou Danzou:  
Orders received. Target acquired.  
A princess of beauty. Status: Retired.  
I may be a puppet. It is true.  
But this lowly puppet is going to end you

Betrothed to head of oni  
Did not like this old jabroni  
Betrayed him for a swordsman  
After defeat by his salami

Even though you are smart,   
You're full of self-loathing  
Leave your kingdom, go out west  
And learn some stupid walking

I may be a puppet, but you can't handle me  
I haven't heard a rap this bad since Terminator 3  
Time to back down, you washed-up has-been  
I can write on my resume, ended a failed queen

Gozen:  
Just what do you know about my feelings?  
A doll like you only knows a Master's tender touching  
Now shut that trap or get a sword shower  
You'll be a pincushion, you can't handle my power!

Danzou:  
Shall not spare a glance against your golden shower  
Fly above it on my kite, I'm going much higher  
This copycat Zoro can't handle my flow  
You should have retreated. Now you won't see tomorrow


	42. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Versus Antonio Salieri

Mozart:  
A genius composer stepping up to fight  
A washed-up writer mad at a slight  
My friend, you once had my respect  
Until you threw a fit at my Godly intellect

I rocked the clavier at the age of five  
Then I toured with my sister, playing it live  
Wrote down a polyphony after hearing it twice  
My fame hasn't even soared to maximum heights

Everything I've written  
All perfect by far  
Symphony, opera,   
Concerto, sonata  
You do better to back off  
And return to Vienna  
Or be cut down to size  
By a bar rock star

Salieri:  
(Amadeus, Amadeus!)  
I will end your life!  
(Amadeus, Amadeus!)  
You only give me strife!  
(Amadeus, Amadeus!)  
Wreck your prestige and songs!  
(Oh, oh, Amadeus!)  
You farmer of gongs!

The slanders of your death, they plague me!  
I deny and deny, they refuse to leave be!  
So I will embrace them with violins and violence  
And end your existence with nothing on my conscience

I've written 37 operas and many sacred vocals  
The psalms, the chants , litanies and canticles  
I worked with many people, including your protégé  
Your name is a Falstaff ossia Le tre burle

Mozart:  
How wonderful, my friend, that you could fight back  
If only you could recover and move your mind back on track  
Being an Avenger being you a great disservice  
I don't relish playing Requiem at your funeral service

Salieri:  
Speaking of funerals, I will go to yours  
I killed you with arsenic while you move on all fours  
Your works may have been the work of God  
But your barbaric behavior brings shame to the Lord


	43. Zhuge Liang Versus Sima Yi

Sima Yi:  
So, we meet again, o Sleeping Dragon  
You look so haggard, do you need a flagon?  
You work so hard, you eat so little  
I have no worry from a man who breathes spittle

You come against the Chancellor who guided three emperors  
I fought against you with success, defended borders  
You have big plans but fail to take your chances  
You're lacking authority, defeated by my devices

Your descendants lack luster,   
Mine shine like no other  
Took over Wei and established Jin  
Admit defeat because I already win

Zhuge Liang:  
My old nemesis, how are you today?  
New challenge? A battle, you say?  
It has been a while since I did play  
Time to display tactics of my mastery

You guided usurpers who destroyed the Hans  
You supported traitor Cao's second-born son  
I do admit, your stratagems rival mine  
If only you supported Han's mandate divine

But alas, Han and Evil do not mix  
I did as much as I can with all my 36  
I put forth my best foot for the restoration  
Now if only Wei Yan didn't disrupt my concentration

Sima Yi:  
Indeed, a most unfortunate thing  
To bring in an ingrate under your wing  
You overstayed your welcome when you invaded Wei  
You really should retire, you time-wasting page

Zhuge Liang:  
My, my, what harsh words you have spoken  
Should have stopped while ahead since the dragon has awoken  
Boldly you came forward, but now trapped in my maze  
The gates lock you in and strong winds bringing haze  
Should you ever escape, you shouted yourself hoarse  
Don't you know, a dead dragon can scare a live horse?


	44. Gilles de Rais Versus Mephistopheles

Gilles de Rais  
Jeanne, Jeanne, wherefor art thee  
Let me hear you, please,  
That I may come and set you free  
With the help of my friend, Ser Prelati  
I will save the Saint and   
Bring France our victory!

(falls to darkness)

But lo, this demon has come to die  
Time to shred him to pieces and make him cry  
You might feel hope, but that’s a lie  
Against my might, you are just a fly

I will bring forth horrors that will blow your mind  
They will sear your eyes and make you truly blind  
Tear you up, dropped in a grave, forgotten  
You can rest in pieces, cthulhu fhtagn

Mephistopheles:  
(cackling and giggling)  
You call that a rhyme, you bug-eyed man?  
I’ll pluck them out and juggle them  
Just because I can!  
You come against a pacifist   
Who will pass his fist to you!  
I will scare you shitless… wait… wait… BOO!  
(cackling and giggling)

I think you’re a much better jester than I  
You went through so much before you did die  
You’re a lanky corpse wearing the ears of rabbits  
With a bad ‘touching little dead boys’ habit

You’re useless at magecraft, you borrowed your power  
Oh look! Tick tock, here it comes! Your hour!  
Rip that blue off your beard and get off the track  
‘Fore I slap your chest with my shears! Heart Attack!

Gilles:  
Ah, you’re not a demon, you’re just a soulless fake  
Destroying you is easy, your power I will take  
You’ll be torn asunder, your mind will take a beating  
Driven to insanity, as ‘he’ still lies dreaming

Mephistopheles:  
Gee, I was right. A wonderful jester  
You’re an old man lecturing a vampire hunter  
Your blood is saturated with clocks ticking  
You were too blinded to see past the mocking  
I’ve had my fun, you truly are a glutton  
Call me Killer Queen, cos’ I’m pressing this button


	45. Napoleon Bonaparte Versus Charles-Henri Sanson

Napoleon:  
Bonjour! Welcome, my countryman  
I will show all the possibility of man  
The first emperor of the empire, born of the people  
Expected, desired, and responded for the people

What is impossible? Such a thing is untrue!  
What'd you mean it exists? (checks offered tome) Sacre bleu!  
There is no such word in what I achieved  
I can do anything that people's lips conceive

Don't you see? Nothing is impossible for me  
Everything I do ends in complete victory  
No chance from the start, so you better concede  
Or I'll dump you in prison in a tower by the sea

Sanson:  
Hmm, an emperor. What an interesting man.  
I desire your defeat. Is that part of your plan?  
The French Revolution paved the way for your reign  
So much death and destruction right next to your name

The fourth head of the family famed for taking heads  
When you pass through the guillotine, you're certainly dead  
I ought to chop you to pieces and set your bones apart  
And study your remains for the scientific art

You may have been great but truthfully too complex  
Your constant wins made you constantly flex  
Best for you to step away, leave your throne for another  
Or suffer defeat like you did in Russia

Napoleon:  
You fool! You thought to fight your emperor?  
There's nothing you can do, sadistic executioner  
I'm as good as you during your Age of Terror  
All you need, one clean cut... zero error

Try as you may, you can't touch me  
So put down your arms and prepare litany  
None has ever survived the barrage I'm shooting  
So go back home and continue sleeping

Sanson:  
One clean cut is all that is needed  
Minimal pain, burden depleted  
My work was horrid, but someone had to do it  
To say I'm a sadist? Only the morbid

And so it seems you didn't heed my advice  
I guess that's a given. You were exiled twice.  
So I'll end your flow at round number two  
Thus ends the second Battle of Waterloo


	46. Hessian Lobo Versus Eric Bloodaxe

Hessian Lobo:  
(grrr)

Invisible Man:  
Calm down, boy. I can be your mouthpiece  
I speak for the three of us, you better leave us in peace  
Or you're gonna get a thrashing these two will give for free  
A John Cena from the three of us, you can't see 'me'

We will beat down this fool who can't talk for shit  
You won't win this battle, so go retreat and quit  
You'll get bitten in half or get drawn and quartered  
You'll get chomped down like a thousand quarter pounders

Scared yet? You should bury that hatchet  
In the middle of your chest! He'll cover with his jacket  
Now I think we're done, now we've finally won the battle  
Now back to the kitchen for a herd of sheep and cattle

Eric:  
You think I'm scared? I faced down much worse!  
You're just a headless man with a furry horse  
I'll chop you like a tree and take that one's head  
Put it over my fireplace to show that you are dead

Surprised I can speak? Gunnhild says it's fine  
I'm not speaking to other women, I've this battle on my mind  
You speak of killing, but you can't get past my weapon  
Once I cut you, it thirsts for more. (Such a demon.)

You can't stop me from bringing victory  
I'm unstoppable. I drain the blood from your kidneys  
I'll kill all three of you, you'll spray red on the ground  
By the time I'm done, I'll have my bloody crown

Invisible Man:  
Boy, hold steady. It ain't time yet.  
But after I'm done, we'll be finally set  
For all your speech of blood, you haven't faced a devil  
This one here's a king too, the same on your level  
He terrorized the valley, all over Currumpaw  
So, prepare to die. His orders, word of law

Eric:  
Hah! I spit on your laws!  
Time to point out all your glaring flaws  
The speaker got beaten by some shovels  
Skinny bastard with no muscles  
This one lost his head in a tussle  
At a cannonball shuffle  
While wolfie boy here starved after losing his mate  
He got set on by four traps and that sealed his fate  
My death was better than all of these fella's  
I died in battle and rode on into Valhalla


	47. Atilla the Hun Versus Vlad the Third

Altera:  
I bring destruction  
I lead the Huns  
You lead your men against Turks and Ottomans  
I'm the Angel of Death to civilization  
You're the poster boy of a bloodsuckers demon

You led the defence of all of your lands  
But my mere presence messes your plans  
I'm a combat king, I'm here to destroy  
This king of the night will not feel joy

Your walls will crumble at the sight of my might  
Your skin will burn in the sunlight bright  
Burn down to ashes before my own sight  
You should admit you have lost this fight

Vlad:  
Who is this foul invading interloper?  
Who marched up to me like a foul smelling pauper?  
You dare to enter the land of Romania?  
Now you shall face the hero of Wallachia

Your trampling army must have traveled very far  
I shall welcome them like the cattle they are  
I greet them with sweet rolls and steaks  
They'll know them well. You'll see when yonder breaks

Face it, you will know only despair  
I defend my lands against any who dare  
All invaders are impaled, the foolish they are  
And that includes you, the Hun Attila

Altera:  
I do not like that name  
Just like you, who derides Stoker's fame  
Since you're powered by lands  
I'll take your nation  
Prepare yourself for my laser demonstration

I'll rip your lands away and flay it off the earth  
Then I'll rip out your heart and drop it in the dirt  
I'll watch the sun rise, dawning a new day  
You should've made like Cullen and go far, far away

Vlad:  
How dare you speak of my country in that manner!  
I will stake you to the ground and plant my banner  
How dare you compare me to that sparkling creation?  
I will put that creator in a lunatic's prison

And you! I blame you for planting that legend  
It started because he knew of you heathens  
I will wish to return before your destructive campaigns  
And wipe the Huns out before they knew your name


	48. William Shakespeare Versus Hans Christian Andersen

Shakespeare:  
After ending a battle with a cat with two things  
I'm faced with a boy who thinks he can bring  
Enough stuff to justify getting rough  
With a playful Bard with a piccadill ruff

Ah, Andersen, I know him well  
His tales and stories inside him dwell  
Causing discomfort, if only skin deep  
So overtly emotional I thought you would weep

Please, you're nothing much ado  
What measly fairy tales can do about for you?  
I have tragedies, histories, comedies galore  
Rather read your travelogues, all else is just a bore

Hans:  
What a miserable man to be paired up with me  
Are you leading a tragedy? Most definitely.  
A narcissistic fool who would blow his own horn  
I suppose I shall settle you before next day's morn

You're an arrogant lout who chases grandness  
You quote your own works to the deaf and listless  
You're so infatuated with your own popularity  
I say  
You forget they need a translator next to your plays

So maybe calm yourself down, you ridiculous fop  
Don't go running around spouting off the top  
Instead, calm down and read some of my tales  
Cause' in a real battle, you'll certainly fail

Shakespeare:  
Fail, indeed. So would you!  
Since you said real, those words ring true  
But this is a rap battle, there is no drawing blood  
Why are you stiff? Can't hold back my flood?

I gained renown from my works  
I am so proud  
And so should you, you tiny old lout  
They give us our strength, so save your disdain  
They will last through the ages and so shall our names

Hans:  
I would have agreed, if not for my readers  
Those fools think it is best that I suffer  
Yes, we'd do badly in a real battle  
But I can write raps, you only prattle

This trickster has lost like Bottom to Puck  
You'll get it worse on March 15 (Bad luck!)  
Now that I have won, you're green with envy  
Looking like an ogre without his donkey


	49. Chen Gong Versus Murasaki Shikibu

Chen Gong:  
Hello, my lady, sorry for your waiting  
I hope this battle will not leave me wanting  
I help the Master by forming battle plans  
For sure your defeat is within my own hands

A minor officer but followed Cao Cao  
Defected for Lu Bu along with Zhang Miao  
Helped him to focus his power and calm him down  
And helped him become a hero of renown

So I do not see what you can do to me  
You're but a writer of novels and poetry  
You have not seen a battle, blood or gore  
You are too easy, I am wanting more

Murasaki Shikibu:  
You may be right in saying I have not seen war  
But I am not unfamiliar with palace furor  
This is the trappings of nobility you do not know  
As clueless as Shōnagon's book of pillows

You are strategic betrayer, leaving your first master  
Then you chased a warlord, one after another  
The final warrior, like you, the same feather  
Just like that adage, you flock together

So I do not fear one such as this  
All of your words are truly remiss  
My flow is the best, my serving divine  
There is no way you can beat this rhyme

Chen Gong:  
I bury your rhymes, you naive creator  
You dare challenge God Force's maker?  
I destroy your rhymes like a shooting star  
Losing more than your family. You won't get very far

Murasaki:  
Sadly for you, you're lacking connection  
In this rap battle, I reign as champion  
What use is your plans if he doesn't listen?  
Then you'll fly around like a headless chicken


	50. Alexander Versus Medusa Lancer

Alexander:  
Hello! You fight a king to be!  
I am Alexander, named number three  
Against a stony faced serpent in this melee  
I think it's time that I set your head free

I led the golden age of Macedonia  
I swept up the Straits all the way to Persia  
My worthy rival failed to keep me down  
So I put my name on many, many towns

My future is set. I'm known as a Great  
The King of Conquerors. Such is my fate.  
Yours isn't good. Sadly set in stone.  
Ate your sisters, both flesh and bones.

Medusa Lancer:  
A future king, you might be  
You are rash and couldn't see  
That coming up to me  
Is just repeating history

Destined for greatness, stories from mother  
This little man has yet to handle the lyre  
You called me a snake, yet Olympias did worship  
The snakes of Bacchus, she considered quite hip

A son of Zeus you certainly are  
You took and you took and you wandered too far  
You sought Okeanos but was stopped by a river  
Took too long to return, so you stoned your own liver

(Growing up during her lines)  
Iskandar:  
Ha! They are very good lines!  
But you cannot handle my flow so divine.  
You are a monster. You ate your family.  
Your lust for blood brought your insanity

Now is the time I set the sisters free  
No more shall they suffer this eternity  
The monster, the Gorgon, on the floor dead  
Like the Gordian knot, I slice off your head

(Growing up during his lines)  
Gorgon:  
You sought all lands. Your greed is showing.  
O Great man, the Queen of Monsters is coming  
They called you Great, but you had no limits  
I protected my sisters from suitors and misfits

You wanted my head, but you will fail  
The Shapeless Isle is no place for a male  
Even if you come, these shores you land upon  
You are merely another statue on my lawn


	51. Florence Nightingale Versus Tawada Touta

Nightingale:  
Ah, a patient. Please. Have a seat.  
Tell me what ails you. This I shall treat.  
Hmm, there is nothing?   
I think you must be lying.  
Are you running from my House?  
My temper you are trying.

What is this? So much food?  
You are seriously a glutton  
With so many bowls of rice  
Plates of chicken, beef and mutton

My advice?   
Reconsider your feeding.  
This is unhealthy eating.  
You're heading to an early grave.  
Your body is not coping.

Touta:  
No, please, I am truly fine.  
There is nothing wrong with me  
Why not join me as I dine?  
I hear your stomach's empty.  
Please let me fill you up  
With my bag of plenty.

Don't get me wrong.  
One should eat healthy.  
But that doesn't mean that your food   
Be too bland or salty.

So calm down, my doctor.  
Time for battle is over.  
So sit down and relax, have a drink.  
Its time to feast upon good food.  
Let's enjoy and be merry.  
Its time to party, my dood.

Nightingale:  
Not only overeating, but alcoholic as well  
It is my opinion that you're certainly not well  
Lucky for you that you were diagnosed early  
We still have enough time to have you cold turkey

Restrain you to a gurney and put you in the ward.  
Give you healthy foods, fresh water and exercise yard.  
To be cured in no time, that is my desire.  
Now hand over your things if you don't want to expire.

Touta:  
What? No! Now that I cannot do.  
Will not hand over this bale  
This is not for you.

Caring for people is all well and good.  
But getting in their way?  
You'll be Miss Understood.

When have you ever had the time to relax?  
There is no battle to be fought. It isn't that complex.  
So once again, have a seat. Drink and be merry.  
Be an angel for another time. Don't be so contrary.


	52. Achilles Versus Hector

Achilles:  
Aw, shit. Here we go again.  
Wish I didn't face you, you goateed old man.  
What is done is done. You're stepping up to face me.  
This is a foolish choice to repeat our history.

Have you forgotten? I dragged you round in my fury  
For killing my friend, the pain you have caused me!  
I'd do so again to sate my anger  
I will surely beat down this cowardly Lancer

I'm Achilles! The invincible fighter  
You're the brother of a boy who had stolen a mother  
Doesn't matter what you do, bring an army or two  
I'll smash through them all! Doesn't matter what you do

Hector:  
Damn, why is it you I need to face?  
Nowhere to run, no hiding place.  
I have no choice except to go and face you!  
This time when we duel, you'll be crying into tissues.

A man's word is his bond, you are just a boy  
Playing on a battlefield, running mad with your toys  
I'll squash your soldiers like the ants they are  
I may not look so great, not the same with my bars

You call yourself invincible   
Yet you hid behind a dress  
You should have stayed on Skyros and become a princess  
I know better than to bring an army  
I'm much more wiser than you  
I'll come alone. Paris'll take a pot shot or two

Achilles:  
Damn, old man, you certainly have bite  
Should I build a kennel and stuff your face with tripe?  
I dressed as a woman bacause I did as was asked  
While you ignored yours, you foolish donkey's ass

You want to duel? Prepare for loss number two  
Even without my gifts, I'm still better than you  
The strongest. The fastest. The greatest of all!  
So shut up and die. Stop running around the wall.

Hector:  
I do as I please, you hot-headed lettuce  
Your disrespectful ass should be tossed in the furnace  
As great as you are, you're a worse winner  
Dragging my body around like a dog's dinner

Your temper got the best of you, recall Apollo  
You killed his sons and your death followed  
So you better turn heel and like the wind, flee  
Or you'd get something worse than an arrow to the knee


	53. Gawain Versus Bedivere

Gawain:  
As one is sure that the sun rises hot  
You now face me, the White Knight of Camelot  
The eldest of the brothers who served King Arthur  
I served him faithfully. I serve no other.

I pledged my loyalty with all my heart  
His words are forever in my mind, not apart  
While you disobeyed and held on to that sword  
Refused to let it go and disappointed our lord

Not as bad as Mordred but your actions disappoint me  
The closest knight to him, you're supposed to be  
I rather not have between us any enmity  
So kneel to our king and profess your apology

Bedivere:  
Though you are a fellow knight, I will not hold back  
Even if you're like the sun, in your words there are cracks  
Defender of the poor, a white knight, it's true  
You welcome all the maidens chasing after you

You are loyal to a fault. That got you killed.  
Your grudge against the Lake sent you over that hill  
Call me what you want, I'm still loyal to his grace  
But nothing we did put a smile on his face

-sigh-Not even you.   
Not even the sun brought him pleasure.  
Not once did he ever do anything for leisure  
We followed orders without knowing his burden  
He gave up so much, and that is for certain.

Gawain:  
Bedivere. Enough. Wake up from your troubles.  
We have yet to find a victor for this battle  
Don't think that you're a knight, that I would hold back  
I go further than ever to get you back on track.

Now, look up! And marvel at my brilliance!  
The rays of the sun shine down this instance  
With trusted Galatine, I can smite any army  
The enemies of our lord will fall, most instantly.

Yes, I kept that grudge, but I learned from mistakes  
And you should too! What lessons did you take?  
I shall take this victory while you mull over it  
I just got three sevens from this one-armed bandit.

Bedivere:  
Denied. Do not declare it yet.  
My retort will turn over this bet

Learned from mistakes What have you learnt, by the way?  
This is my theory. Let's see if they tally.  
Do not give in to grudges. You'll mistrust your orders  
This mental block killed both of your brothers

For all your mistakes, you got stabbed in the head  
Struck down with haste by the traitor Mordred  
For a shining knight, you are laced with lead  
For all those strengths, they led you to your death bed

You praised our king, placed him on a pedestal  
You made him an ideal that was so unreachable  
While my loyalty was for the person that's within  
But as time went on, chances slowly became thin

Once again, I wished to see his true feelings  
Much more better than the raps you are dealing.


	54. EMIYA Alter Versus Muramasa

EMIYA Alter:  
Who is this fool that comes before me?  
If you come to die, then I'll end you quickly.  
Don't confuse me for another, there is no mercy  
From the darkest Archer in existence. Really.

Efficiency. That is the game that I play  
Point me at a target, then I shall slay  
The many years I lived, war has never changed  
To destroy armies... that can be arranged

You'll get lost in my Works by the rivers of blood  
My unstoppable flow will drown you in a flood  
I only need one shot to do this Servant in  
What can you do against blades from within?

Muramasa:  
Oh? Blades, I know a lot about that.  
I bring my whole forge inside my hat  
Speaking of swords, your's lack balance  
You truly think you can beat me? Arrogance!

The swords that I forge last many lives  
They cut anything, from bodies to rice  
Your swords are bloodied and lacking repair  
Your mind is the same, like your lack of hair

I sought to make a blade that can cut through fate  
Slicing through destiny, karma, and hate  
So best you retreat, since I need to test my blades  
You won't last very long. Just ask Inshun's face.

EMIYA Alter:  
Hmph, remind me, who are you again?  
Ah, yes. you made swords for the Tokugawa clan  
Bloodthirsty blades with an aura so demonic  
That they cut their own users... how ironic

You still dare challenge me!  
You're a fool, old man!  
With raps such as these, I fail to see your plan  
You intend to beat me with gibbering drabble?  
You must be mad! Ill-balanced and mental!

My shot will connect before you get up from your seat  
You'll be run through by steel. Contender can't be beat!  
With innumerable blades, you'll become minced meat  
In a void of works lost you will face your defeat

Muramasa:  
Ah, I see, you think you know me  
I shall work even harder, so I can set you free  
Your fate is most heinous. I wouldn't wish it on another  
To be broken by a demon who takes pleasure from others

Your soul died a second time, you surely need some rest  
Come on now! Put my swords to the test!  
While its true my sword's sometimes demonic and creepy  
It was an accident! Just ask Musashi!

I shall make the ultimate sword of fate  
I sever your broken mind in waste  
Then your soul will be put at ease  
Then you can finally rest in peace

EMIYA Alter:  
...remind me, who are you again?

Muramasa:  
...


	55. Wu Zetian Versus William Tell

Wu Zetian:  
Who is this peasant that dares to stand  
Against the most glorious empress of the land  
To do such things is asking for trouble  
I shall take up my sword and burst your bubble

I ruled more than China with an iron hand  
I brought efficient prestige to government clans  
You killed an officer that was a useless tool  
I doubt you'd do the same in the lands that I rule

I had no problem putting a stop to rebels  
All foolish plans would instantly unravel  
With the help of copper boxes, I maintained law and order  
With the aid of my police, say good bye, son and father

William Tell:  
By all that is holy, you will not harm my son!  
I have a bolt with your name, O Wu Short One  
I inspired the resistance against aristocratic rule  
While you hide behind metal boxes like a fool

A tyrant like you will mistreat the people  
Your police wrought terror in your government of evil  
Looking at your history, you failed as a mother  
You framed another royal when you killed your own daughter

I'm not about to tell, you bring trouble to Uri  
If you want to kill my son, you have to go through me  
You will not survive the raps that I'm bringing  
You'll be in shock and awe, since I will not be telling

Wu Zetian:  
You raise your weapon against empress dowager?  
I will send my police to cow this upriser  
Your whole family be thrown into prison  
I will make sure that you will choose the poison

Off with your legs and off with your arms  
The pain will be great when suffering great harm  
Then go drown in wine that will be thrown in a well  
Thus ends the legend of the pitiful Tell

William Tell:  
Boy.  
Tell's Son:  
Yes, father.  
William Tell:  
Bring my crossbow. I've found another  
Tyrant so evil that there is no forgiveness  
For threats against family, Zetian will witness

A bolt to your throat with no apple to speak off  
I will silence this banshee down to a cough  
A second shot to the chest for a heart that is absent  
And over your grave, I plant catnip as a present


	56. Jeanne Alter Lily Versus Artoria Alter

Jeanne Alter Lily:  
Yooo, here comes Santa Lily  
Bringing out presents for Jill and Jackie  
Cute as a muffin and this ain't a trick  
Swiping left on the fakes like I had a boomstick

You're not too bad as a Santa, but you look morose  
You look like somebody came and stole your pot roast  
So lighten up, don't let the day go to waste  
Lift up those lips and put a smile on your face

Now give me that sack, I have presents to deliver  
Your's really suck, mine are much better  
Wholesome and useful, everyone will prefer  
My presents to yours, so please do hand over

Artoria Alter:  
What child is this that comes demanding  
A spoiled brat who does not bring glad tidings  
Who are you to take my sack from me  
I should light you up like a fireworks jubilee

I am much more capable, so go back home  
You intend to walk around like a Golden Axe gnome?  
I have a proper sleigh pulled by reindeer  
While you're just on a boat bringing Saint Martha beer

I'm the only true Santa to have come to ride  
Giving presents to children makes me happy inside  
A sack of coal, to you I shall give  
For pretending to be me, a most suitable gift

(sounds of sleighbells ringing... and lots of baa's)  
Altera the Santa:  
Here I am for the spirit of Christmas  
A time of giving and getting craft essence  
Though I feel a little cold, I'll soon be toasty  
With the power of the rainbow, I shall diss you mostly

Here! We shall start with this spunky upstart  
Who can't tell the difference between head and heart  
And the tone-deaf Servant who brings a sword during flight  
Do you only punish children who are looking for a fight?

Is that all I can expect from these two fakes?  
I can see you are angry. How much more can you take?  
I was still able to move when everyone was down  
The most reliable Santa to ever go to town

(From a far off distance... more tunes come flowing... as it came nearer, it could be heard)  
HASHIRE SORI YO  
KAZE NO YOU NI  
TSUKIMIHARA WO  
PADORU PADORU  
Nero Santa:  
Ooooh!  
Who do you think you can start without me!  
I am the boss and you're just but lackeys  
You may deliver presents but I am the best present  
So why not sit down and bask in my presence

You spend time dissing when you could be working  
The world is big and many children expecting  
Stockings to be filled and under pine trees  
Get your asses moving cos' time is money

So do keep in mind we are here for the young ones  
The good and the bad, the daughters and the sons  
At the end of the year, making smiles from the frowns  
So watch out people, Santa's coming to town!


	57. Bradamante Versus Tomoe Gozen

Tomoe Gozen:  
Greetings, my opponent. I am Tomoe Gozen  
I'm here to fight a knight who rides without her hosen  
I'm a samurai. A warrior. I'm the wife of Yoshinaka.  
While you were never married. How's that doing for ya?

I led his forces in battle. I had my share of fights.  
You're a little knight chasing after distant lights  
Routed all my enemies and watched them take flight  
You throw off all your armor for some magic treated tights

An incredible archer, also skilled with a sword  
You can't hold me back with your skinny, little board  
I'm a match for anyone, be it a god or a demon  
There is no fun getting shot with an arrow of the sun

Bradamante:  
Good morning, old maid. How do you fare?  
Your flow is so plodding and quite lacking any flair  
You try to ride against me? I can knock you off your horse  
I hope you aren't too injured. Don't scream yourself too hoarse

Yes, I still search for my beloved. I went high and low  
While your husband sent you away. He'd rather die with his fellows  
Dying with a woman would fill him full of shame  
I guess you're not as great as the stories to your name

Magicians troubled me so much when searching for Ruggiero  
I will never bend or break for there's always tomorrow  
A future for him and me fills me full of hope  
While you had your chance. So go back home and mope

Tomoe Gozen:  
Little girl, you should wash your mouth with lye  
All that waste you're throwing out, you might choke yourself and die  
Oh my, you are an arrogant young knight  
But my fires burn hot, you will be losing in this fight

You search and you search but you never do find  
Every time you reach him, you're always right behind  
So close, yet so very far  
Perhaps you can catch up if you take a trip by car

Yes, I regret not being by his side  
Yet he died as a warrior with nothing to hide  
But his luck rubbed on me, and I had his son  
Something you'll never feel till you find that one

Bradamante:  
Hah! It's the adventure of the ages  
You think you're winning. That's truly outrageous.  
I'll brush of those lines with my bright shiny board  
I'll power through with true love's accord

You've been through battle, and so have I  
I am a paladin, true hearted, no lie  
The Knight of White Plume, Bradamante  
Fought with Charlemagne against Agramante

Your shots do nothing! Magic can't beat me!  
I'll reach you and cut you like fish franks in berries  
I'll be flying high on the Hippogriff I shared  
While you're stuck on the ground like a morsel of hare


	58. Richard the Lionheart Versus Charlemange

Charlemange:  
Richard wants to battle? I would gladly accept  
Let us clash with our words and see who is adept  
Our prowess on display, our skills are on the stage  
My raps will wear you out like a lion in a cage

Stories of my feats are known throughout France  
There are stories of you being Demon King Rance  
Went on a Crusade but didn't win a prize  
They all fought each other and deepened a divide

You want to drive out the Moors, I did it on my own  
Now I'm coming back so get ready to get boned.  
So you should be joyous, o king, cos' I bring with me twelve more  
You won't be sitting down. You'll get kicked out of the door

Richard the Lionheart:  
You dare(!) compare me(!) to a sexual addict?  
I will execute and bury you before you say you've had it  
You think you are better, o King Charlemange  
Out of all the MC's, you're below, not the main

You would spread untruths. Of that, you're familiar  
All your stories are made up by a bard in A Minor  
While I'm the real deal, you're but a fake copy  
I'll tear you up and set alight your frail, stunted story

I have a heart of a lion, I'm distinguished in battle  
I held Saladin in a stalemate he can't handle  
I even forgave my killer. I bear him no ill will  
So best you admit defeat, or you'll get it from Basile

Charlemange:  
Oh? You dare? You're calling me a copy?  
Who is trailing Arthur like a love obsessed puppy?  
You take company with swindlers and killers  
You talk to yourself like talking to Excalibur

Speaking of your sword, it is another faker  
You merely project it like a blade in a lightsaber  
With all these shortcomings, you can never win  
With twelve peers backing me, its truly a shoo-in

Richard the Lionheart:  
Twelve? Are you dreaming, oh so called king?  
In those stories, the numbers are varying  
If you truly need help, they reflect you poorly  
With their arrival, you are losing sorely

Oliver is slow to act, Roland lost his mind  
Astolfo prefers skirts to cover his behind  
Bradamante can't get laid, her brother is the same  
And you are but a shadow that is doing something lame


	59. Sei Shonagon vs Osakabehime

Osakabehime:  
Hello, how are you?  
Soon you won't be daijoubu  
After I'm done running through  
This copy Switch emu

Please!  
You say you're Murasaki's bestie  
But she can't stand denshi shoseki  
You think she'd read your little tweets  
She'd rather suck on boiled sweets

This overexcited little brat really needs a little spanking  
She throws away all her toys and she's calling it a'pranking  
She could never settle down since she just keeps on moving  
She's desperate to fit in with the likes and clout chasing

Sei Shonagon:  
Hey! You there!  
Quit talking 'bout my pretty hair  
If you ain't gonna stop  
You'll feel my boots up your derriere

What in the world are you saying?  
Why can't you speak properly?  
Have you ever heard of language?  
You ever used a dictionary?  
I have mastered mine  
And I am in the crowd  
All the birds talk about me,   
And my selfies do abound

While you're stuck up in your cave  
I go out to join a rave  
I'm the center of attention  
While you're an online slave  
Your raps are lame and slow  
They make me really sleepy  
Now I thnk I'm done with you  
O princess of the weebies

Osakabehime:  
I'm sorry,   
I think you need to wash your mouth  
Here, have some Tide Pods,  
'Cause your fate is going south

So you are feeling sleepy?   
Go and sleep on your phone  
That's where you put your pillow  
While mine are just at home

You also yet to talk about Murasaki  
You're the rival of the servant of dear Empress Shoshi  
She thought you were pretentious  
Since you served a rival empress

So why dont you step down  
I think I've got you beat  
The patreon of Himeji  
Has given you defeat

Sei Shonagon:  
Ha! You're funny.   
I think you must be joking  
Are you like this everyday?  
From the weed you are smoking?

It's nice that you speak properly  
Compared to that cacophony  
Of random bits of litany  
Mashed up without the harmony

Now I'll beat you,  
It's easy, lemon squeezy  
With time to pose down with a selfie  
'Cause your raps are dancing with two left feet  
While stuck in a castle, oh so lonely

Now say the show go on without this loner  
You don't know you lost, this Jon Snow poser  
You think you're lit, but you're in a shower  
Everyone is here to see me dab on this hater


	60. Ivan the Terrible Versus Ozymandias

Ozymandias:  
Beware, o Ivan, they are playing your swan song  
You thought to fight a Great, but it was I all along  
I'm here to crush this four hundred year old tsar  
I'm here to break your ice with my brilliant golden bars

My wisdom reaches far, people love me in return  
You sacked your own city and abandoned it to burn  
I'm beloved by the people, my empire prosperous  
Yours suffered under you, your economy disastrous

How did this Terrible person get to be a Great?  
You come against a god with a group of furry states  
It's impossible to beat me, I spit the flames of Ra  
Your bars can do nothing, as tasteless as vodka

Ivan the Terrible:  
Who is this fool that dares to fight the Emperor?  
A puny little god will get stabbed in the jugular  
Your fire is too mild, I've had hotter ones before  
I am coming with the ice that ended all the dinosaurs

You claim to be wise, but a saint outsmarted you  
He took away your slaves and your eldest son too  
Russia might be poor, but we're better than others  
You either choose to die or choose to be a Yaga

Now come, let me show you the greatness of Russia  
I am your equal, you'll see when I crush ya  
You dare stand against me, you deserve no mercy  
This sacrilegious fool will be trampled On My Journey

Ozymandias:  
Hah! The only fool here is standing right in front of me!  
Moses was my friend, cease your slanderous cacophony  
You dare bring up my son! You're not worthy!  
You cause so many deaths. I pity your family.

I shall settle your payment for making me angry  
I shall melt your lands and make it less of a country  
I light up my light bulb and rain my power down  
I instantly defeat this emperor of clowns

Ivan the Terrible:  
Fool? I saved all the people under me  
I did everything to save my country  
I became the first Yaga of Russia  
The only emperor ruling this taiga

With saber-tooth tigers and great woolly mammoths  
Your power can't touch this powerful behemoth  
You can't stop me with your weak ember fire  
I have bars ice cold of the Permafrost Empire


	61. Fionn Versus David

Fionn mac Cumhaill:  
Here comes one Irish knight  
Stepping up to the fight  
Here to battle with a boy  
With a sling? Alright!

I'm a leader  
I lead a group of knights from Ireland  
I beat down  
A harpist who spat fire called Aillen  
My wet hands can give life  
Take away with my spear  
I can give a thumbs up   
And say, "Don't fear! I am here!"

So my win is assured against this little boy shepherd  
Best go back to your fields and tend to your herd  
Leave the swords to the men fighting on the battlefield  
And I have said all I said. So... do you yield?

David:  
Ah, so arrogant, you need some humility  
I am here to bring it, so if you dare just come at me  
I am chosen by the Lord and I led His armies  
I won every battle, piling victory on victory

You may have your spear, but I have my sling  
One stone between your eyes will make your head ring  
I have my wisdom from my God who blessed me  
You gain your wisdom by acting like a baby

So this boy is more capable in matching you in the field  
Your words do not faze me and I shall not yield.  
This knight's gonna fall in this unneeded duel  
I shall pluck on my harp a dirge for your funeral

Fionn:  
O David, O David, you are so mistaken  
Just use your head of the wisdom you're given  
With a lick of my thumb, I know of your weakness  
A beautiful woman will certainly end this

You fool! How could you covet another?  
You sent your soldier to die and made her a mother.  
The king might be great, but his heart is mighty poor  
Victory is mine, show yourself out the door

David:  
People are not perfect, I certainly am not  
I don't regret Bathsheba, 'cause she was very hot  
You call me out on women, but what about you?  
You lost so many. Tell me, is it true?

The first is a deer, the second lost to history  
The third ran away, you killed your knight out of jealousy  
Because of your actions, you caused a civil war  
So, tell me now, who's the one out the door?


	62. James Moriarty Versus Sherlock Holmes

James Moriarty:  
My name is Moriarty,  
No one can outsmart me  
Diabolical and dandy  
You'll lose, most assuredly

So we meet again, my rival and enemy  
Bringing your words, stepping up to battle me  
A pity the fall didn't do you, most regrettably  
Time to put you down with my bars so craftily

Come into the parlor, said the spider to the fly  
My plans over crime had effects like a butterfly  
I was sure of your defeat, you penned your goodbye  
And now we meet again. I'll ensure that you will die

Sherlock Holmes:  
Yes, good try. It's clear that I'm physically better  
You could not compare when I start my outmaneuver  
I defeated you once. I can do so again  
Your plans I shall grasp in the palm of my hand

You evaded the law until you met me  
I saw through your tricks as if they were empty  
You are a crooked man with a devious mind  
Your plans have layers of an archaeological find

So it's best that your life ended  
The Napoleon of Crime no longer is consulted  
The webs that you wove had burned to the ground  
No longer will you worsen the criminal underground  
/  
Moriarty:  
Oh, please, Holmes, I won't lose to you this time  
I still have tricks up my sleeve though I'm past my prime  
Now that fate gave me this second chance  
I'm sure you'll know in but a glance

It will be late for you to figure it out  
Defeat will beat you like a lout  
Without a proper thought inside his head  
Sitting on my chair when you have fallen dead

Sherlock:  
Odd.   
You say you will defeat me in this second round  
But your actions do say otherwise  
I'll display what I have found

Bars are nothing but hot air.  
Rhymes are boastful to a fault.  
You may have been intellectual  
But age ground it down to halt

Your specialty, with a back so bent  
Was causing death by accidents  
Three times you had failed  
With zero supplementary  
I deduced I have won.  
Most, elementary


	63. Diarmuid Ua Duibhne Versus Gareth

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne:  
Greetings, brave knight. Pray tell your reasons here  
Let us have them witness, come one come all to hear  
Let us fight as equals, so state your name o knight  
We battle one on one, let others judge the fight

Please say how would you test your might?  
With spears? With swords? In a fist fight?  
I can battle you with many ways as long the fight is fair  
I'll be sure to beat you in your bowl cut hair

So you cannot win, I shall declare from lofty towers  
I have beaten over three thousand in seven hours  
Coming up to me, you won't last all that long  
You'll be feeding on the earth when I finish this song

Gareth:  
You sure talk a lot about chivalry, I see  
So why is your spot trying to magic me?  
You're boastful of your talents, even though it's true  
Attract all the ladies, leave the men nothing to do

You like to talk of fighting fair, but you don't do what you say  
You double teamed my King where the metal boxes lay  
You gave your loyalty to the wrong man  
You keep doing the same, again and again

I defeated many knights of many different colors  
I can take on Lancelot even though I'm esquire  
With my lance, I storm through you like a wolf  
Easy to strike you down, do you want more proof?

Diarmuid:  
Brave words, young lady, but you had best beware  
I can bat down your lance and smash your fingers fair  
Adoration blinded you and locked the warrior within  
Then your knight rode by and smashed your head in

Your wounds cannot heal, enchanted lance be destroyed  
Your offense will be lacking, you'll be more than annoyed  
You cannot stand against my surging sea of fury  
Once I am done with you, there'll be nothing left to bury

Gareth:  
No, knight of Fianna, I will stick it to ya  
You're man of arms, but in jousting I'm fire  
You profess your loyalty but your looks are too mighty  
You let your lord's wife kidnap you in her nighty

You thought you were forgiven, you went hunting with your lord  
Everything was fine, till your ass got found by Inosuke's swords  
That green eyed man let the water run freely  
And so you died in 4G high fidelity


End file.
